I have come to realize how much I value quiet. I didn't know that when I was younger, and, indeed, maybe I didn't value it then. I love to be around people too, but after coming home from the crop last night into a quiet, peaceful house, I realized that it was wonderful to just be quiet. Don't get me wrong; there is something immensely satisfying to me about being in a group of chatty, friendly, creative women for a few hours, but after being at school all day with noisy junior high students and then straight to the crop...coming home at 10:30 was like heaven.
Stacey and I always wanted our home to be a refuge...a place of peace and restfulness from a frantic world. He was especially diligent in providing that for me...that refuge. I appreciated it when he was alive, but I think I appreciate it even more now that I am alone. I value knowing that there is at least one place on the globe where I am just me. I can sit in my jammies all day and eat Girl Scout cookies while I read, or I can clean like a whirling dervish (that dervish part doesn't really happen often anymore), or I can wrestle with the cats. I can turn up music loud and sing while I dust, or I can veg on the patio and watch my neighbor's horse run in the pasture.It seems to me a shame that we don't just sit and be quiet much anymore. People are so busy and bustling. I think that many people are afraid to be alone with themselves. It's not such a bad thing to be content. In fact, St. Paul advised us to "be content in all things". I admit that that can be terribly difficult, and I have not and still am not always so, but I try. Since I've been alone, I've often wondered if I really need people, if I might not just turn into an old hermitess. I know I won't; I enjoy a stimulating conversation, but I really do love just being at home...home...what a lovely word.